I am back! After a long hiatus from social media
The reason? A rough battle with my health.
I suffer with Endometriosis, a chronic illness ranked among the top 20 most painful conditions. It's when tissue similar to the uterine lining grows outside the uterus, causing inflammation, leading to unimaginable pain, digestive issues and never ending fatigue.
For me, it progressively worsened over the years to the point of debilitating pain that would go on for three weeks every month, making it hard to function, get out of bed, make food, let alone work. Doctor visits led to dismissals, being told to take over-the-counter meds for agonizing pain, stop eating chocolate (!), or even the absurd "get pregnant" suggestion, because many people believe pregnancy "cures" it. While the irony is - being infertile with endometriosis is more than likely.
I felt ignored and my pain invalidated. I'd often find myself just shaking and crying from the horrific pain. My husband has been witness to all of it, and I can’t thank him enough for always being there for me, always supporting me, and having my back throughout it all.
It was truly hell on Earth, and knowing there's no cure, I remember telling my husband I didn't want to exist in this body anymore. It feels like a curse, bestowed upon people who want to do so many things, but our bodies won’t let us.
Below is the list of my symptoms.
- trigger warning -
If you are not comfortable with topics including blood, pain etc... consider skipping the next paragraphs. I just feel like it needs to be talked about.
MY SYMPTOMS:
1 week before my period started
Constant painful pressure in lower abdomen
- sometimes it feels like there are tiny pieces of shards
Lightheadeness
Extreme Fatigue (can sleep 14+ hours)
Swallen painful breasts (can’t even lay down on my chest in bed)
Teeth and gums pain
Severe bloating in face, bloating in abdomen
Often a sharp strong quick pain in my lower back while walking
Weird tingling feeling in the back of neck
During my period
First 3 days
Debilitating pain
- preventing me from moving, working; having hard time taking care of my basic needs, feeding our dogs etc… basically just bedridden
Extreme Fatigue, I could literally just sleep all day and night
Heavy bleeding - even during the day using night time pads that would soak up within the first hour or two
Rest of my period
Burning pain in lower abdomen
Extreme Fatigue
Feeling as if a barbwire was being dragged inside my abdomen for periods of time
Heavy bleeding (I would have to use the long over night pads. I would even have to roll on toilet paper on top of my pads to prevent blood soaking though, if I had to work and knew I couldn't change my pads in 1-2 hours)
Big blood clot pieces coming out
Rest of the month
Extreme fatigue (can sleep 14+ hours and still waking up tired)
Infertility
Weird pains in lower abdomen
Joint pains, can't bend fingers without it hurting
Back pains
I started having problems when I was 16, I got cysts that would get large, bursting of them was incredibly painful too. My periods were always painful, but they started getting unbearable by the age of 30.
NEW DOCTOR
Thankfully, I finally got a new doctor who understood my condition and put me on a treatment plan that helped. The hormones I was put on work only for about 15% of women, and I am feeling lucky it worked for me. Within months, the unbearable pain eased, though daily never-ending chronic fatigue remains a huge struggle. Since then, I've been on a journey to heal and regain lost strength. My creativity suffered in survival mode, but I'm slowly getting that back.
The toll chronic illness takes isn't discussed enough. I think it's really hard to put this into words - I am trying to be kind to myself, to accept myself. I wanna do more in my life, but I cannot, because my illness is giving me a limit that I cannot conquer.
Endo strips you of your former self, leaving you in a dark cloud, just trying to make it day by day. It feels like the weight of the world is on your shoulders, while also feeling like a burden to loved ones. You lose the ability to enjoy activities, socialize and be creative and active. I will never be who I was before my illness progressed, and that is a reality that is hard to adjust and process. There’s a huge sadness wanting to live your life but knowing your body won’t let you.
Please, don't suffer in silence. Find doctors who will take you seriously and loved ones who will support you. Find friends who won't take offense in not seeing you for long periods of times and who will understand your situation. ❤️
#Autoimmune Disease #Endometriosis
